


i, love and you

by jellycafes



Category: Gugudan (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, NaJeong, idek what is this, low quality angst, nayoung is sejeongs nurse, tragic gugudan ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 22:38:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14963516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellycafes/pseuds/jellycafes
Summary: Nayoung and Sejeong couldn't keep a lie.





	i, love and you

**Author's Note:**

> honestly why did i write this ;-; i did this in around 3 hours yes i do not Have A Life. but anyway.............. this sucks a lot bye

Medical Student Nayoung and Arts Student Sejeong clicked well as a couple.

That's why their sudden breakup was a huge devastation. A huge part of Nayoung was lost and remained incomplete, and even her current girlfriend Shin Bora is unable to fill in the missing piece Sejeong left in her. For Sejeong, it might've taken her three years (and possibly a quarter more) for her to figure out there was something wrong with her. It's as to why she once again entered the medical graduate's life but in the form of a stay in patient.

Sejeong is prone to fatigue. She would usually fall asleep in Nayoung's sofa unknowingly in the middle of her afternoon series, as Nayoung would turn the television Sejeong left on off before she tucks her in a cotton blanket. At times, she steals kisses on Sejeong's forehead guaranteeing herself that the patient would never even know. The younger one would always still feel the ex-lover's warmth the same with the older gaining nothing but additions to her bank account.

Sejeong also barely remembers. She quickly forgets Nayoung by morning. She forgets everything by morning. Nayoung would repeatedly remind the patient her own name and Sejeong's mind will have it fade later on. However, she still had a chance to remember. Only it takes long for Sejeong to gain memory.

The nurse was fast asleep as the younger makes three knocks on her room. It was one 3:24 in the morning but Nayoung pays less attention to the time and still lets Sejeong in. "I can't sleep." She says with her head low. Nayoung would let Sejeong sleep on her bed which Sejeong finds more comfortable than that of the room across Nayoung's, which she was supposed to room. But will convince herself there wasn't something more between them before she makes any further delusions. She faces away from the girl's back but felt her wriggling to the comfortable sleeping position. The wrigglings stop, and a sigh escaped Sejeong's mouth. She calls Nayoung's name as she denies herself she internally rejoices that she didn't forget her. A delayed conclusion of Sejeong not sleeping right at the hour Nayoung assigned her was made later.

"Are you awake?" Sejeong turns her head, now seeing the ceiling.

"Sejeong, your sleeping pills could've worked..."

Sejeong took a long pause, Nayoung patiently waited for an answer. "I thought so, too."

A long silence sliced. No one dared to initiate a small talk, but no one wanted to drift to sleep sooner either.

"Nayoung-"

"Sejeong, you need sleep."

"I was wondering how we should've became when I didn't end anything."

Nayoung adjusted her hip to lie on her back. "You shouldn't."

Sejeong shrugged. "I can't help it. We are picture perfect girlfriends but I let that to waste. I broke each and every promises of us facing the world together. Everything between us slipped through my fingers. Oh dear god, Kim Nayoung. I really loathe myself for falling out of love."

"Sejeong, what have I told you about sleeping at an off hour?" Nayoung would scold. It could affect Sejeong greatly if she tries to fight sleep, and at the same time it will urge Nayoung deeper into the thought that she's still in love with the girl although already having someone else. At least when they wake, Sejeong would not recall a word of everything she had said this night.

Sejeong yawns and lied on her side away Nayoung once again. "But I don't want to sleep and forget you by day."

Nayoung felt a sting on a part of her chest.

By day, Nayoung was frying eggs when she spots Sejeong going down the stairs. "Good morning." Nayoung greeted, and Sejeong won't answer.

She was eyeing at every angle of Nayoung's house, trying to familiarize where she currently is, but her limited memory failed her. Nayoung figured out she would be better this way. Sejeong naive. She normally would run errands in attempts to make Sejeong remember but today she purposefully did not remind her patient about anything she'd usually tell her everytime she's forgotten. She'd still call her by her name, nevertheless. As a clueless Sejeong answers anyway.

This time, Sejeong had to tell her something she's mistaken. She smiles as the woman unknown to her places the plates on the table in front of her. "You know what, you're cute. I think I have a little crush on you."

Nayoung laughs and tries to confirm if she even recognizes her, as Sejeong shrugs in confusion watching the nurse's hands cutting her breakfast to smaller pieces. "Not familiar."

"I knew so." She replied.

This morning is the most pleasant out of the fourteen mornings they had, from the day Sejeong arrived. The two hardly converse everytime Sejeong's memory deteriorates. Nothing was ever better when she regains her memory as she sleeps the rest of her day away.

Nayoung taking care of Sejeong risked her dates with Bora. Her current girlfriend blew her phone up with lots of missed calls and angry texts she wouldn't bother to open. Nayoung would feel bad. If it's not because of the missing girlfriend responsibilities it's about her lying to two parties: Bora and herself. Her indistinct feelings confuse her, whether would she still go with Bora or not by the end. With Bora, she finds happiness. With Sejeong, she finds serenity.

At 2pm, Sejeong pillows in Nayoung's lap in her sleep leaving the TV on again. Nayoung doesn't turn it off but watches Sejeong's favorite afternoon drama. Normally, she'd either tuck Sejeong in her blanket or wipe the tears the drama induced off her cheeks and smile at her. It's barely the latter, nonetheless, as the girlfriend figure between them would like to be forever gone.

She reaches for the remote and turned the TV off after a few while, wiping her own tears by this chance. She remembers the same pain Sejeong's words caused her a good four years before. Nobody to blame, it's just that Sejeong couldn't lie to herself anymore. She and Nayoung truly were in love, but that love they had sadly faded away. Sejeong would say she regrets it, but with the feelings different from long ago. She hated to admit it to herself, either. Nayoung grew tired of everything and demanded Sejeong space.

It still pains Nayoung. Not because Sejeong fell off her grip, but because everything they went to waste. They had a few doubts, but they still ended up like this. Broken. Nothing but a sickly and her assistant.

After dinner was when Sejeong rushed to the sink to throw up blood. Nayoung went to rub Sejeong's back with her hand and hold up her hair from getting it into her face using the other. Sejeong's illness got worse. She refuses to take meds at the right dosage and sometimes the right time gap. She doesn't tell Nayoung as the girl would get upset. But the inability for Sejeong to obey Nayoung's prescriptions did not do her better. Stuck in the past, she thought Nayoung would care less about it.

Nayoung would count as Sejeong continues. The sink full of nothing but blood and saliva, Nayoung let the faucet run until Sejeong could throw up no more. Sejeong splashes some water inside her mouth and Nayoung assisted her for drinkable water. She takes a few gulps and breathed heavy in attempts to calm herself down. Nayoung would ask if she's alright, and Sejeong would say yes without reticence that's why Nayoung won't always believe. Not if she's weak.

That night, Sejeong sleeps in Nayoung's bed once again but facing the opposite. This time, Nayoung provided her a small bucket with a tiny amount of water and three tissue rolls, just in case she felt she's going to throw up in the middle of the night.

It was 2am. Nayoung doesn't sleep a wink. She had to watch over Sejeong. In this deep of a night, Nayoung sees her sleep as peacefully. She changed Sejeong's medics, and now she prescribed stronger pills. It sure doesn't matter to her anymore if Sejeong once again forgets in the morning, as it is always like that.

And in that deep of a night, Sejeong mutters Nayoung's name along with some distinct words which she heard as I, love and you.

Nayoung felt her eyes glaze with tears.

The next morning, Nayoung makes noodle soup. It was mild keeping in mind that Sejeong doesn't like her food spicy. She was proud of herself. She memorized everything Sejeong liked on her food by heart, despite of the years the spent without each other.

After she finishes, she placed the bowl of soup in a small table along with a spoon, chopsticks, and a glass of water before carrying it upstairs. Nayoung opened the door and a newly woke Sejeong sits by the bed with messy hair and her right eye not opening yet. She stretches and Nayoung smiles before placing the small table in front of her.

Sejeong wonders who was that lady in white uniform and what was she doing here. Right the moment She wakes up, she internally questions everything. The smell produced by the hot soup lingered around, and it wasn't long until Sejeong feels a short grumble inside her stomach. With chopsticks in between her fingers, Sejeong shoved a mouthful of noodles. She flashed a small smile upon the familiarization of the flavor.

Seafood.

Knowing nothing, Sejeong loved it. She felt as if every bite was supposed to remind her of something but out of solely her illness, she can't. The soup was familiar as sure as she is.

Sejeong sees her again holding another bowl of soup and now not in her uniform. She smiles warmly at her as she smiled back. Sejeong really is not joking when she says she feels something for her right on her deterioration episodes which she would deny within the idea of falling out of love with Nayoung.

Nayoung sips the broth which brought her to another time. Sejeong would always tease her about being challenged around or within the kitchen area as Nayoung would blush in the belief of her culinary skills not being as good. Sejeong loves it, though. It's just that Nayoung seems to be stuck on only the first level of improvement as she would like to describe. Not that her cooking didn't taste right. It was delectable, and plus points that Nayoung lacks experience in terms of cookery.

Nayoung had enough of the back stories...

...but who knows how everything could've been worse if they continued lying to themselves about still feeling the same for each other?

For Nayoung, there's nothing worse than this. The chances of cuddling from Sejeong's back, the kisses that were supposed to be stolen, the warmth they shared when things began to get cold, the happier times, all of them flew away from Nayoung's shoulder. She could've protected everything between them. _She could've protected Sejeong._ But she chose to not interfere with that part of her memory anymore but the pain was unbearable.

If it is real that destiny had alternate routes, they would have taken the happier route where the two of them were still together. But she got played and had Bora, whom she never really loved as much as she did with Sejeong. She rethinks. Why did everything end when they were just as perfect? But they chose this route. They chose to not lie. It was the better for each other. Better.

Nayoung refused to believe this should've gotten better than keeping their bland relationship. It was normal for a nurse to feel attachment to a patient but her to Sejeong is entirely different.

When Nayoung was sure she has reminisced everything all the way until its end, she threw Sejeong's ashes away to sea. She thinks she failed as a nurse and as a person close to her when Sejeong didn't succeed in her fight. Time stopped when she wouldn't wake up. She cried when she thought she couldn't cry anything more. Sejeong meant the universe to her, and now her universe was gone.

Sejeong lost her life, as Nayoung lost everything.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! ♡ -c


End file.
